Today is the Last Day of my Life
I want to share with you a daily practice that helps me to stay grounded when my mind takes me away. Every morning when I wake up I say to myself, ‘today is the last day of my life.’ This practice of facing my imminent death every day has brought me into my heart, into my body, and deeper into experience. If you are like my mom, you might think that this way of thinking is a bit morbid, and so I want to tell you how this practice has deepened my experiences of joy, love, and presence in the moment, as well as how it has helped me manage the fear-mongering thoughts and beliefs that try to hold me back.
When I wake up in the morning, the first conscious thought in my mind is, ‘today is my last morning.’ Where my mind would usually jump to all of the things I have to do, want to do, or should be doing, instead, it goes to the soft silky pillow on my face. I sink into the joy of how lovely my pillow feels on my skin and I nestle in deeper. I find deep joy in my mornings in bed.
During the day, at some point the thought returns as a reminder, ‘today is the last day of my life, how is it going?’ I look around, I feel the sensations in my body, and I listen deeper. I feel content with the moment and I sink into the deliciousness of my breath as it caresses my spine from the inside. When I have this thought, I notice my surroundings and I relax into whatever discomfort I might be feeling. I look for ways to be more comfortable in my mind, body, and spirit, and I feel grateful for the reminder to drop into what might be my last moment in this body and this form.
When I am reminded to drop into the moment by this practice I drop into love in my relationship. Rather than projecting, seeing his potential, setting expectations, or falling into my unhealthy patterns in intimate relationships, I am with him, curious to know him more deeply and see him for who he shows me to be. If today were truly the last day of my life, then what else matters in this relationship? I am able to see and experience more clearly the purity of love that is between us. The sweetness of our connection is what moves me closer to him. I am not thinking about how I show up with him, I am only experiencing him as if for the first time and the last time.
When I live as if this were the last day of my life, my fears lose their strength. Think about how many unconscious fears are driving our actions and behaviors. As someone who lives in a very slow placed village with a culture opposite of the United States, I can tell you I have had to look at my fears face to face and I was surprised to see how driven I was by fears of punishment, death, suffering, and loss.
We don’t see our hidden fears directly, they show up through the unconscious. But when I face my death on a daily basis, opportunities to see my fears directly present themselves. I do not run away from them, but have the courage to go deeper because this moment is all that I have and I know there is something beautiful underneath it. I am inspired to do the deep work of connecting more deeply with my soul and spirit.
This practice continues to evolve with each day and each week. I feel more courageous in this life and in this body. I see more clearly where I give my power away to fear, and I courageously take it back. The things that mattered to me before seem trivial. My perspective becomes more open, accepting, understanding and curious. I realize with each moment that I know nothing and I relax into the moment, into joy, and I surrender to the unknown. In this practice, I feel safe knowing that I am living the last day of my life with the deepest love and gratitude for this human experience.
So I invite you the reader to try it out for a day or week. What is it like for you when you wake up and realize this is your last morning? Where can you find joy in that moment?
