Where do we find wisdom teachings?
As I sit here with a blank mind, I ask myself what wisdom I have to offer. I am reminded of what my teacher Hogan Roshi said at the end of a listening sesshin. Without remembering his words exactly, it was along the lines of, ‘the wisdom is not in what you share but how it is received. So, listening is where each person will receive the wisdom.’ When I remember him saying this I feel at ease knowing that it is not up to me to decide what wisdom is here. What I have to offer is individual and completely unknown to me. So I humbly continue to share my experience and share my mind, surrendering to what evolves at this moment as I contemplate wisdom.
The definition of wisdom in the dictionary is “the quality of having experience, knowledge, and good judgment; being wise.” So who determines what is wisdom? It seems subjective. But when I think of Hogan’s comment, I feel a weight lift. At the sesshin, none of the participants had spoken in nine days, and now we had to share what we took away from the experience. I imagined for the residents in the monastery, as the thoughts began to return there was a pressure of what to say and to say it right. After Hogan commented, the shares flowed smoothly. The words were expressed from the heart.
I changed the way I listened to their experiences. At first, I was listening over my thoughts about the difference between a virtual sesshin and an in-person one. I was participating virtually. Then I quieted my mind. I listened intently. I received their words, letting them touch me and find their way into my system to access whatever experience needed accessing. I surrendered to the wisdom that was waiting for me.
Hogan’s statement about wisdom explains the unexpected, unanticipated wisdom in everyday connections. During a phone conversation with a friend, I listened to her talk about the endless uncovering of rocks in her backyard challenging her ability to recreate a beautiful garden. I hear the wisdom of the rocks in her story and feel excited at the magic that is to come from their teachings. And what does her story mean for me? I feel as though I am listening to a dharma talk as she is telling me about her experience, but to her, she is simply venting about her greatest challenge at the moment.
I remember another moment with my partner when I thought I was going to return to the States. I was sad because I would have to leave him. He said he didn’t want me to feel sad. So I told him that I was allowed to feel sadness and that this was a sad moment for me. He replied, “but you are not leaving for two weeks. You are here with me now. Be sad when you leave, not now.” He simply wanted to enjoy the evening with me, but I heard the greatest wisdom in that statement. Be sad when the time to be sad comes. In this moment, we are together and everything is good.
Sometimes the wisdom comes to us in ways that are unexpected. It can arrive at a time when we feel closed or self-righteous. So what I am finding is to always listen for the wisdom in curiosity, no matter who you are with. When I began to open my mind to this I realized that wisdom can come from anybody and everybody.
My partner does not have an education, so at the beginning of our relationship, I judged him. But after I heard Hogan’s statement I began to see the wisdom of this man. It is almost as if the lack of education gave him the wisdom that many of us are searching for from spiritual teachers. He is not intending to be wise, he is just living his life, talking to me, and doing his best to understand me and be understood.
When I think of wisdom as individually received by each person I feel relief and excitement. How many different interpretations of one dharma talk can exist by a group of listening practitioners? Some people say they wish Hogan would talk more about the body, but to me, that is all I hear him talk about. It fascinates me! I think we hear the wisdom that is already within us, or we hear the wisdom that we are seeking. What I love most is when the listener hears a piece of wisdom and repeats it back to the speaker, surprising the speaker with the beautiful wisdom that they just offered. Love and gratitude that will forever change the person who received the wisdom are offered through an authentic connection with no pressure to do, be, or think in any way.
The wisdom is in the connection.
